Well it has taken me over 2 years to write this blog, so here we go. Im sure many of you can relate and I hope this can help new mums if they find themselves in the same situation.
I have always been obsessed with babies, even as a child I always wanted to see them and hold them. When I met my husband I absolutely could not wait to become a mum and have my own little bundle of joy. My naieve expectations of how happy, wonderful and effortless it would be was not my reality. On the 22nd of May 2014 I became a mum. My beautiful baby boy Jordy was placed on my chest and from that moment on my life changed forever. As a first time Mum I was flooded with an overwhelming feeling of love and fear wondering how on earth am I going to know what to do with this tiny human. The first few weeks were a blur. Sleepless nights, a screaming baby who would not settle and learning how to breastfeed while in immense pain was not what I had pictured. As the weeks went on I would see other new mums happily sitting feeding their content little babes, there I was trying to wrestle my child onto the boob as he arched his back screaming and kicking. At my child health appointments I raised my concerns about the constant screaming with the nurse (which she could hardly hear me over the crying) to which she replied “it is very normal and nothing to worry about, all babies cry.” Normal?.. nothing to worry about?? I walked out of there past the group of happy babies wondering why they were all settled and not screamimg their heads off, my situation didn’t seem normal to me.. I was too scared to leave the house for months. I tried everything! He hated the car and would scream even more so I would have to pull over and try and settle him so he could catch his breath. When he reached 4 and a half months old things started to change he was a lot happier and so was I! October 8, 2016 my beautiful daughter Ella was born. The first few days were a breeze. My husband and I looked at each other and said wow this baby is so easy, I was so happy to be feeding her with no pain and she was so content. I even left hospital a day early to come home as I was missing Jordy and things were going so great, until day 5. Here we go again. This poor little bubba was just beside herself. Nothing, and I mean nothing would settle her. Having gone through it with Jordy I was prepared for what was happening but this time it was worse. 8 hours.. up to 8 hours a day for months of non stop crying and no sleep for little Ella. We had countless visits to the doctors, saw 2 different paediatricians, she even got admitted into hospital overnight to run tests to make sure nothing sinister was going on. Luckily they all came back fine. I felt so helpless and just wanted to help her not be in pain. I was then referred to a website called Purple Crying. Although there was not a solution to helping her, it gave me strength to know that other mums and thier babies were going through the same thing and that it does settle down. I was so scared leaving the house, especially now with a toddler in tow. My friends would be going to rhyme time, exercise classes and coffee dates. To go to the shops and grab a few things felt like a ticking time bomb. There were numerous times I would have to leave my shopping basket and get out of there as I knew once it started it wasn’t just the case of popping a dummy in or giving her a feed. It was on!! The hardest part of it for me was when everyone would stare. I mean the blood curdling sound of a baby screaming would make anyone look but it was the shakes of the head if I couldnt settle her. The comments, “someone sounds tired”, “she is probably hungry dear,” “where is that babies dummy.” I did not want to go anywhere or see anyone. My husband would come home to see me in tears and he took over straight away so I could get out for a walk to clear my head or fit in some exercise. This is where exercise really saved me. I was in control, I felt happy, alive and free. I would come back in feeling refreshed and ready to go again. Don’t ever underestimate the power of how exercise can impact on your mental state. When she was 4 and a half months old like Jordy, things started to settle down and the time each day she was unsettled slowly dropped. For any of you reading this just know that you are not alone. You need to be able to talk about how your feeling and feel supported. Trust me when I say it does get better and you are doing a great job. “This too shall pass.”